Quivering Quads

I think my new nickname is quivering quads.



It's kind of unreal how quickly muscles can atrophy. You don't really think about every day. I mean, people complain "I need to work out. I'm getting lazy." But really your muscles don't go away, because you still can walk and go up stairs and bend and kneel and the like. (My question: where DID my muscles go? Did they just like dissolve into my body? Do I weigh less now? So strange.)

*2 days post-op...there are still muscles!*

It's been 11 days since my ACL reconstruction. My right leg is skinny. No, really. I know that normally I'd classify as a "thin person", but it's ridiculous. Now I know why PT lasts for months after this kind of surgery. Not necessarily because your "new" ACL needs it, but to make up for what you lose after lying around for a week. One week of being completely inactive = 6 months of therapy.

In 11 days, I've watched 21 movies, read 3 books, took countless naps, made crafts, and slept some more. The first week was painful, and there was nothing else I could do but lay around. The second week has been much better! I'm not as lonely. It's spring break in our school district, so my roommate has been around. Her company has been so great. Also, I'm able to hobble from room to room without even my crutches and finally go up the stairs! [note: A second-floor shower means I didn't shower for 7 days...it was rough]. Things were looking up. I was anticipating my return to work, calling the doctor to fax a work release to our HR...

and then they call with news. I can't return to work for 1-3 weeks more. Week 3 will be different than week 1 in that I don't need to lay on my couch. I'm able to be mobile and do everyday tasks, although some are slower or altered. Week 3 will be different than week 2 in that it's not spring break. My roommate will be gone, my friends have regular jobs. Everyone else will be continuing with life, while I'll just be...stuck. Not able to just drive to Target, or to Starbucks, or to anywhere on a whim. I'm sick of movies, of books, of everything anaerobic. When I'm frustrated, usually I find a release in going for a run, skating (and emoting to the music), or even cartwheeling down the hallways at school. I can't do any of that, so it's like I'm in this endless cycle of frustration. I miss my kiddos, I miss having a schedule, a sense of purpose.


Trying to focus on the positive, to remain creative. Some people have real problems. Until then, if you live nearby, feel free to bring some spontaneity into my life!

I've been perusing through previous blog posts of mine tonight, and I feel inspired to post something. Not necessarily write something (I don't feel inspired at all, actually), but I really just want something posted.

Lately I've been noticing how everything I've recorded, whether it be on this blog, in a journal, or elsewhere, goes through changes over time. I'm almost embarrassed to read my journal entries from a few years ago. I feel waaaaay too enthusiastic and perky. I end almost every sentence like this! (with an exclamation point)
Nowadays it seems foolish to write the same way, almost fakey. In just this past year, I started being super real in my journal. A very different change from before. Not that I've written down a whole lot in this past year (it's rare when I actually write something out, even though I know I'm an external processor...crazy).

So while I hope what I write is something good to look back on and read (like I've spent time doing tonight), mostly I hope that it is spoken genuinely. I know that being real is pretty important. This post only includes one exclamation point, and only used as an example, but it's true stuff. Just a little of my thoughts.