Tick tock…

I feel like society has this timeline and there’s an enormous pressure to adhere to it.

You graduate from high school, then you move on to college. Once you get your Bachelor’s degree, then you get a job. Right away. By this time you should be seriously dating someone if not already engaged, maybe even married. It had better happen soon; your window of opportunity is quickly closing since you’re out in the working world now and not in the college realm. Then you’ve gotta start working on your Master’s degree. Kids will start happening somewhere in there, too. Quick, quick, quick. This is what is expected. Chances are you might not be viewed as “successful” if you don’t have these things in the right places on your timeline…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where I’m at in life and how that compares to what is “normal.” I was looking at an old yearbook the other day, and I realized that 12 out of my 74 high school classmates have kids. That’s twelve new lives in this world since four short years ago. I can’t even count the number of classmates who are married or engaged, let alone in a serious relationship. It’s high. All I know is…I’m among the minority.

The comparison game has been a theme this semester. It seems that automatically, subconsciously, I compare myself to anyone and everyone I meet. While this could potentially cause me to look at myself and make changes, it usually just brings judgment. Which is so unnecessary. What does it give you? A higher (inaccurate) view of yourself, and a disdainful view of others. This stuff is hard to admit. Everyone struggles with it from time to time, but for some reason—my guess is pride—it’s something very hard to pinpoint as wrong. Even celebrity gossip is, in a way, comparison. Feeling free to judge people we don’t even know. It comes so easily, but really does us no good.

Also, I feel that I don’t fit the typical mold of a teacher.

1. First of all, I don’t wear a winter coat with fur on the hood. I won’t ever.(This seems irrelevant, but haven’t you noticed it? ALL elementary teachers wear a coat like this!).

2. I’m not an extrovert. I’m outgoing, but being around people too much can drain all my energy. I considered this for a while…what if I get burned out being around kids all day? (Especially on the extra hyperactive days). I’ve done some research, and have had 10 weeks of experience so far. The conclusion is…I’ll be fine. I get this sort of rush when I’m up there in front of the class. It’s great!

3. I don’t really see myself living the “American Dream.” Maybe there will be a husband and kids in store for me someday, eh? But maybe not. I don’t yet know. But I’m willing to do whatevs God wants me to do…even if it doesn’t fit this timeline I’ve felt pressured with lately.

That’s about all I’ve got for now! Maybe I’ll post something lighthearted and less contemplative one of these days. A craft, perhaps. It’s been far too long. We shall see!

Limbo

Limbo. No, not like the crazy dance where you bend over backwards so you can go under the stick thingy. I remember always trying to do the Limbo on roller skates while at the roller rink as a kid. It seems to me that was basically asking for someone to make an emergency trip to the ER with a split-open head. Thankfully that never happened when I was there!
But I digress. This post is not about going under a stick. It’s about being in limbo. The Merriam-Webster Learner’s Dictionary (perfect for English Language Learners like I work with!) puts it in very plain terms:

in limbo
                  1 : in a forgotten or ignored place, state, or situation
                  2 : in an uncertain or undecided state or condition

I thought college was a rough transition period of one’s life. Yes, it’s true, it is difficult being in a place where you aren’t a kid living with your parents anymore, but still are not yet an independent adult. But really, when you are on campus with roughly 6,000 other people your age in the same stage of life, you have a lot of people to relate with.
Fast forward to student teaching. I don’t really identify with college students anymore. I mean, I don’t go to class, have finals or midterms, or write 15-page papers. I’m not really there anymore. But at the same time, I do not identify with adults in the working world. In the teacher’s lounge at school, much of the time I just sat there and didn’t say anything. I can always ask questions, but I have nothing to add when they are talking about house payments, social security/retirement (I haven’t even started teaching yet, for Pete’s sake!), parenting, and little things like whether or not they had their pictures taken before or after their wedding ceremony. I feel so far removed from all of this. I feel like I’m in limbo.

So what do I do with this? Do I just bide my time here in this little realm and wait until finally I emerge out on the other side?

I know God has me here for a reason.

There are lessons to learn, some which I already have learned, and others that are yet to come. Trust is a huge one. This season of my life has revealed how little I do trust God with my plans, hopes, and dreams…quite the opposite of how much I thought I trusted before taking the steps to moving beyond college. Wanting to know how God wants to use me causes me to seek Him even more, which is 100% wonderful. During transition/unknown times of life, a common verse to hear is Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I love that verse, but for me it has often just stopped there. The next two verses have been SO good to realize as of late. Verses 12 & 13 go on to say “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” What does it look like to seek God with all my heart? I don’t know how much I’ve done this in the past. It is so encouraging that this is a promise, a for-sure thing. I can rest in the fact that God will reveal His plans to me, that I will know what decisions to make when those times come. Until then, I will continue to learn what it means to seek Him with my whole heart. I think that’s what limbo is for.

On a final note…please enjoy the lovely Limbo song I picked out just for this post. I couldn’t help it! :)

This has a conclusion…I promise.

This post will be random, since that is in my nature.

My transition to teaching in a high school has been great. The kids (can I even call them that? Some of are only like 2 years younger than me!) I work with make me laugh and I really enjoy them. But being away from high school for 4 years has made me forgetful of some of the details…I forgot about PDA. Thank you, boy ginger and girl ginger, for letting us see how much you love each other each day for 3 minutes before 4th period. Some couples make me want to gag and laugh hysterically at the same time. Oh young love!

I’ve been reading Tortured for Christ lately. It was written by the founder of Voice of the Martyrs, Richard Wurmbrand. He was imprisoned and tortured for over 13 years in Communist Romania. This book is compelling and very thought-provoking. One quote that stuck out to me today as I was reading is:

“God is “the Truth.” The Bible is the “truth about the Truth.” Theology is the “truth about the truth about the Truth.” Christian people live in these many truths about the Truth, and, because of them, have not “the Truth.” Hungry, beaten, and drugged, we had forgotten theology and the Bible. We had forgotten the “truths about the Truth,” therefore we lived in “the Truth.”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to rest in God. I feel like I’ve never done this physically or spiritually. (I’m not very good at not finding something to be busy with). This is something I’d like to experience, though. Just some thoughts…

I’ve been super hungry as of late. Terribly ravenous. Like last night, I was in bed with the lights turned off, but I really wanted a snack. So I yelled to my mom to bring me some crispy hexagons (the classier name for the store brand of Crispix) and then the voracious monster inside was subdued. Crazy, right? We’ll see what kind of a snack I’ll come up with tonight.

I can’t really think of a nifty little way to tie all of this together…maybe God is Truth, it’s okay to eat a lot, but don’t disgust people with your PDA? I’ll go with that. Nice and random, just like I thought. :)