Contentment eludes me...

I don't really know where to begin...I guess I'll just start with the fact that this summer is different than all my previous summers.

For starters, it's my first summer single again since 2 years ago. I got so used to having a best friend who would constantly accompany me on new adventures that I really miss it now. Really a lot.

Also, this summer I have been working non-stop. In a near literal sense. It's cause for a celebration when I have a day off. I'm not complaining, no, not at all, but it's just different. I feel like I should earn my keep to the max when I have the opportunity, since my parents are so selflessly paying for my schooling.

Putting those two factors together, you may be able to see how easy it is for me to feel kind of hopeless. It feels like all I do is work, work, work...yet for what? So I can have spending money for the school year? So I can get through school...but then what? Go out into the real world and get a job, just like everyone else. Right now, at this point in my life, it is very difficult to see what purpose my life has/will have. I'm not saying that I think there isn't one, but it's just tough to find it. Obviously I can't see it (that's why faith is not by sight), but I also can't feel it. With all this working, my life seems so out of control.

I guess a big thing is contentment. I'm in this transition period of my life. In these next 10 years or so, some of the biggest changes of my life will most likely take place. Graduating for good, getting a real job, a house, a car, insurance, maybe marriage, kids. I feel so in between, and not content with this waiting stage.

I want so desperately to have contentment. It's a very deep desire of mine to be at ease with whatever situation I'm in, and not wish for something more or something different. I realize this constant striving is human nature, and I really wish to get past that. There are fleeting moments when I am okay, but slowly that discontentment starts to creep back in. And it bothers me to no end. So my prayer is that I will work heartily unto the Lord, that I will rejoice always, and be anxious about nothing. I alone can't do this, but with God I can.