A chance to bloom

You know those days where you just know going into it that it will be a challenge? That was my today.

Like a lamb upon the alter, I sacrificed some of my precious sleep time yesterday to go to bible study. It was certainly well worth it. We’re going through A.W. Tozer’s “Knowledge of the Holy”, and I find my brain stretched and squeezed and strained each time. New ways to think about our God. New ways to think about how He relates to me, and how I relate to Him. How I should relate to Him. It is challenging and refreshing every time.

My last-minute lesson planning took up the rest of the evening, once I got home. My light stayed on much later than usual. And then this morning I wake up feeling tired and on-the-verge-of-sick and…nervous. Today was my first time teaching solo, and because of state testing, the schedule is screwed up and I don’t get any plan periods. Just a 35 minute break for lunch. I woke up knowing today was my test, and I just thought…bring it on.

We usually pray for easy things. Clear traffic and short grocery lines and “good days.” But with student teaching, I have come to desire the tough stuff. Because it’s reality. And I know it will help shape me into a better teacher, a better person in general. I can just picture God saying this about me, as I go through hard things: “This girl? I want her to be real. I want her love to be real. So I’ve got the perfect plan.”

Whether it’s big stuff like break-ups or small stuff like little misunderstandings (I understand these are relative), I know I can look for the good in every situation. It’s hard to do it as it’s happening, but I know I can find something good every time because when I look at the past, I see that everything God has done in my life is ultimately nothing but good. Reading Kelle Hampton’s book, Bloom, this past weekend has REALLY challenged me to look for the bright spots in every situation. To tell myself “You know what I like about right now?” To view hardships as an opportunity to, well, bloom, like the title says. You really should read the book.

And my student teaching today? There’s really no other way to put it…teaching high school ELL has really helped make me a badass. Truth. I have truly began to find my teaching style, and have discovered my expectations, and won’t let the kids get away with stuff that hinders their learning. It’s so nice to have finally reached this point! At my previous placement, my cooperating teacher never let me have total control over the class. She told me she wanted me to have a positive experience, since this particular class is so rambunctious. While I’m thankful for her kindness, she didn’t give me reality, which to me is a far greater gift than a “positive experience.” A chance to struggle, but a chance to grow and to learn.

I’ve got less than a month left before I graduate, and less than two months before I start teaching for real for real. That will be scary. That will truly be my time to bloom.