We walk

I believe I've actually organized my thoughts enough to post something! Lately I've been thinking about so many things, but I feel like everything is too private to post publicly. I came to a realization today, though, about a verse that I've been familiar with for a long time and have never put much thought into.

For we walk by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

This verse is stenciled up on the wall at the youth center in my town. I was there tonight, just reading the walls (kids can sign their name and write something) and my eyes happened to land on that verse. I've seen it countless times, but never really read it. Today I thought about it...not the difference of faith and sight, but the first part of the verse. We walk.

It doesn't say "We run." It says we walk. And it's very true. Right now, it seems as if time is at a standstill. Although I believe I am trusting with faith, not by sight, I feel like I want the future to hurry up and get here so my anxious anticipation will be stilled. It seems like it is killing me not knowing who I will marry, or if I will at all. I need to know whether I'll like teaching, whether I'll be good at it, where I'll end up. Why is that? Why can't I be happy with the present? I am walking by faith, but wanting to run. 


However, running blindly is not such a good idea! That is why we walk...we take one day at a time, trusting Jesus, and are able to have the knowledge that He has wonderful plans for us...whatever they are.

No title?

Tonight, I'm forcing myself to write.

I feel like it's really difficult to actually post something. Don't get me wrong- it's not like I have nothing on my mind. I think it's because I have so much I cannot sort it out enough to create a meaningful, witty, or thought-provoking post. Throughout the day, I come up with different things I could write extensively on...but as soon as I turn on my computer I get distracted by other things and it seems like such a hassle to start writing at all.

I guess this post doesn't really have a point, but at least I got some of my thoughts sorted out, right? It's a start, and hopefully I will get inspired and stay inspired until the ideas move from brain to screen.

I never did write about getting hit in the face, did I? Well, this 4th of July was definitely an interesting one. Around midnight a few friends and I were swimming in my friend Taylor's lake. They have a floating dock out in the middle, and four of us swam out to it. I was holding onto one side, while- get this- 3 guys were on the other. One of them is pretty close to 300 pounds, I'm sure. So needless to say, my side of the dock was out of the water. I remember saying "Whoa! I feel like I'm on the Titanic." That should have been my clue to let go, but the thought didn't even cross my mind. Suddenly I slipped. That in itself wasn't bad, but next the really big guy slipped off, too. While I was under the water, the dock dipped down and hit me in the face. I saw a really bright white light and got so, so scared. I thought I was going to be knocked out and drown out in the middle of this lake in the middle of the night. Thankfully, God was watching out for me. I surfaced and then grabbed onto the dock, and told my friends I had been hit. They put me on the dock and pushed it back to shore. So many things could've been wrong...I could've had a broken nose, broken cheekbone...I could've been blinded...and I could've drowned. I am so fortunate that I only had a gash under my eye, some bruises, and a swollen/black eye! I had to go to the emergency room and get it glued shut. Out of every possible outcome, I was able to come away relatively unhurt. Thank you God!

It's kind of weird, though. Everything that happens to me happens on my left side. This accident hurt the left side of my face. I broke my tooth a while ago and it was the left front one. My splenectomy scar is on my left side. I had a fungus under my big left toe and eventually the nail fell off. I may be forgetting things, but the point is, it's strange.

Anyway, I am glad I could write something significant. If you read this, thanks for reading! =]

Contentment eludes me...

I don't really know where to begin...I guess I'll just start with the fact that this summer is different than all my previous summers.

For starters, it's my first summer single again since 2 years ago. I got so used to having a best friend who would constantly accompany me on new adventures that I really miss it now. Really a lot.

Also, this summer I have been working non-stop. In a near literal sense. It's cause for a celebration when I have a day off. I'm not complaining, no, not at all, but it's just different. I feel like I should earn my keep to the max when I have the opportunity, since my parents are so selflessly paying for my schooling.

Putting those two factors together, you may be able to see how easy it is for me to feel kind of hopeless. It feels like all I do is work, work, work...yet for what? So I can have spending money for the school year? So I can get through school...but then what? Go out into the real world and get a job, just like everyone else. Right now, at this point in my life, it is very difficult to see what purpose my life has/will have. I'm not saying that I think there isn't one, but it's just tough to find it. Obviously I can't see it (that's why faith is not by sight), but I also can't feel it. With all this working, my life seems so out of control.

I guess a big thing is contentment. I'm in this transition period of my life. In these next 10 years or so, some of the biggest changes of my life will most likely take place. Graduating for good, getting a real job, a house, a car, insurance, maybe marriage, kids. I feel so in between, and not content with this waiting stage.

I want so desperately to have contentment. It's a very deep desire of mine to be at ease with whatever situation I'm in, and not wish for something more or something different. I realize this constant striving is human nature, and I really wish to get past that. There are fleeting moments when I am okay, but slowly that discontentment starts to creep back in. And it bothers me to no end. So my prayer is that I will work heartily unto the Lord, that I will rejoice always, and be anxious about nothing. I alone can't do this, but with God I can.

Soo...sometimes I write stuff on this blog.

It may seem pointless...or boring...I don't know. But! It has come a LONG way. =]

This is my old Xanga profile. I absolutely hated writing updates. I thought it was the stupidest thing and that I would never enjoy writing. I almost forgot about Xanga, but something the other day reminded me of it. It's kind of hilarious.

Anyway. This post is over now!

Daily dose

My dad told me a story he had read or heard one time. I thought it was really cool, although I have no idea where it is from.

A lady had a very ugly clock. You could ask any of her friends about it- they had all noticed it and would tell you that it was such an eyesore alongside the pretty framed pictures and shelved knick knacks surrounding it. One of these friends decided one day to ask her about this ugly clock. The lady began to tell of its origin, explaining that it was made specially for her by her dear grandparents. They were poor people, and wanted to give her a special gift for her wedding. They couldn't afford to buy anything, so they did what they could with what they had. Her grandfather carved the clock out of wood and made the inner-workings. Once he had finished, her grandmother painted flowers on the front- she wasn't a very good painter, and the flowers didn't turn out very well, but it was a special gift all the same. The lady then explained that the clock was, of course, one that had to be wound by hand each day. She took the clock off the wall and showed her friend the most important part. Right above the knob that winds the clock were two engraved words: Forgive him.

This is such a great story. I don't know if it's true, or even based on something true, but I know I would love to have something like that. I don't think I would have the patience for a clock like that, especially in this day and age, but I think if "Forgive him" were written on something I see daily it would be a great reminder! Maybe it could be written on my bottles of penicillin...that's something I will see daily for the rest of my life! (If you haven't heard about that long story, feel free to ask). Anyhow, I just thought I would share.

In or out of the storm...

One good thing about working at Mahoney is that I always get treated to a colorful sunset on my way home :)

Thursday was especially beautiful.

When I see things like this, when I'm in a good mood, or when things are going smoothly, it is really easy to praise God. Not a problem. 

But there are several places in the Bible that tell us that we should praise Him all the time.

These two verses, one from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament, both are examples of this call to praise constantly.

I will extol the LORD at all times; His praise will always be on my lips.

Psalm 34:1

Rejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Philippians 4:4

I know that I should have a heart of praise continually. I also know that I don't have that heart of praise often when times aren't going so well. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, because it's only human nature. But we should strive to praise always, good times and bad.

The only thing is that when I am full of praise during a time where all is well, I feel guilty. I often don't rejoice to the fullest because I am thinking "I should be like this all the time, but I'm not..." I know God only loves me and is infinitely happy when I do praise Him, and does not blame me for not praising when I don't. He only loves. He loves. 

And knowing this, there is yet another reason to praise.

Too tired to think of a title that ties everything together.

Alrighty. 


There have been so many things in my head lately, but every time I try to write them out my hands freeze over the keyboard, and all the thoughts seem to hide. I think the key to fixing that problem is to just...start typing. And that's what I'm doing. So bear with me if what you are reading seems sort of unorganized, spontaneous. It's getting too late to really edit much and I just want to post something because it makes me feel accomplished. And boy, do I need something encouraging after today at work! (It was slow, and I feel awkward around my co-workers, and it was just a rough day). 


One thing I've been glad for lately is God's constancy. I don't really think about that much. I guess when everything is smooth sailing and nothing in life is out of order, everything seems constant. But when turbulence hits, that's when this unfailing unchangeableness is so noticeable. With my ever-changing emotions and thoughts, with my periods of growing up and even the times I think I'm grown up when I'm actually far from it, God is there. He's the same. He doesn't change his mind or adjust His truth or go back on His word. It remains, always. And in my world of uncertainty, especially at this time in my life, that is exactly what I need.


Another God note. The one you just read is really a thought, I suppose, where this next one is a moment. (I'm trying again to go with the theme of this blog...). So today my grandma, my sister, and my cousin Emily started our Bible study. I AM SO EXCITED! It's another Beth Moore study, called The Beloved Disciple. We watched the introductory video (it was made in 1998 or so, so Bethy's hair is a little more poofy than it is nowadays) and Beth told us a story about a time in her life when she asked God to delight her. She was hiking in the mountains by herself and asked God to delight her with something...anything. She didn't know what, but she knew God wouldn't disappoint (God is so romantic!). Anyway, she walked for a few miles and didn't see anything spectacular, so she assumed that she should keep walking and her delight would be up ahead. Something urged her to turn around, though, and being a little disappointed, she finally did. She didn't have to go very far until she saw a baby bear! She was thrilled, and thanked God for her delight while she quickly fumbled for her camera and then started running- she knew that where there was baby bear, there was also mama! 


That story encouraged me so much. I was thinking about how cool it would be to experience something like that, to delight in God and His little surprises for us. I got home from going bowling tonight after dark and as soon as I stepped out of my car I felt the stillness of the night air and could hear the frogs and bugs chiming in together. The quick thought of "It's perfect for a midnight walk!" jumped into my mind, but I didn't think any further than that because I thought my mom wouldn't get off of work until way late into the night, like usual. (We've taken a late night walk before and it was incredible. I would never do it by myself, though.) I got inside and turned on my computer to type this post, when I heard the door unlock and open! It was not even midnight and my mom was home! I instantly knew this was my delight. I ran- quietly- to the kitchen and asked if she was up for a walk, and of course, she was. It was so wonderful to take that walk....and even more wonderful to experience a delight from the Author of Romance!


Is what you've read an unorganized mess? I hope not. I'm too tired to fix much tonight!


I had a thought today. (This is definitely NOT a God note). :)
When you are in a very fancy place, with a very fancy bathroom, no matter how neat and tidy and polished and furnished it is, it is still a bathroom. Even the most elegant bathrooms stink horribly at times! I know, I'm weird. But it's true, and it's kind of funny to think about!


I don't like to post without adding a picture. I believe that in order to capture someone's interest, you have to catch their eye. Who wants to read something that is all words? Not me. Not you, I'm pretty sure. Pictures always help. So here's my picture:

This is what summer is all about.