Just some thoughts...

I guess I haven't posted anything in a while! Not that I have many faithful followers to keep from being disappointed...

Lately I've really been contemplating my future. It is a tendency of mine to start to wonder and plan and eventually fret and become anxious about the unknown state of what is to come. I think it is a very natural and human thing to do! But I know this is not what God wants me to do. I've been reminded as of late by several sources that I need to stay in the moment and focus on the present. I need to enjoy the time I do have left here in college and not focus on how that time is slowly dwindling.

I have also been worrying about becoming a teacher. The time is drawing near where I will enter the work force full-time and that is kind of scary! I feel like I am soooo not ready to grow up, at all. I've sort of been analyzing all areas of my life to think about in what ways I need to mature to become that teacher I'm preparing to be. There have been so many things made clear to me, which I am thankful for! (A certain someone has challenged me to examine my life like this, without even realizing he did it!). I am seeking to mature in a lot of ways, but also to keep my child-like wonderment. I don't want to lose my flavor of personality...oh, no.

Another thing I've been pondering is the complexity of life. It is impossible to define life, to wrap it up in a neat little package with a nice sounding explanation. Life is beautiful. Life is messy. It's tough. It's worth it. I cannot express how many instances have solidified these truths to me. Especially in this past year. I feel like I've learned more than I have in any other time in my life. I really just want to keep learning like this at an exponential rate- to be a life long learner not only in the way of knowledge, but of wisdom.

And finally, some quotes. I have really been inspired by a professor of mine as of late. She has worked hard to be where she is today and imparts a lot of wisdom to our class. I don't know if many other students have paid attention to the quotes she has shared, but I certainly have. These two really sum up the area in which I wish to grow in the time I have left being a college student.

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our own disposition." - Martha Washington

"It's up to us to determine our happiness. No one else is in charge. No one else is to blame. No one else gets the credit. Our happiness is tied to our willingness to be responsible for our own moods. That's a certainty- one of few in this life." - Karen Casey

I know growing in all of these ways will not always be comfortable or welcome, but something very necessary and ultimately very satisfying. Just some thoughts...

Currently frustrated...

For a few nights now (seems like forever, actually) I've been stressed out. It's not really a big deal...but...it is.

Our showers here in the dorm are freezing cold at night. Why do I still have hope of hot water? No one knows...

Every night I've been testing it, and then I get in. And it's warm for 20 seconds and then it's like ice. I cannot handle it!

The shower is my place of solace at night. It's where I unwind, clear my mind, think out all the thoughts that need to be thought out. A nice, hot shower calms me, readies me for bed, where I can fall asleep quickly and soundly. I just do not know what to do when this lovely time is taken from me...gah!

This post is for my dear roommate. She is absolutely the best.

This week for me is pretty long...well, extremely long. I've got about a bajillion things going on, about a gazillion things to worry about (or so my mind tells me). Caitlin is the best encourager. She quietly listens and explains my situation to me in simple terms, focusing on the now- not on the frightfully unknown future, which is what I tend to think about. She's so zen and I'm so...not. I freak, I panic, I'm flighty and anxious. I think we are a good balance for each other...this year couldn't have worked out better! I only hope to encourage her as much as she has me, even in my own sprightly way.

Daylight at Midnight (or shortly after)

I'm about to leave for donuts.

Going to donuts at 1 am is a tradition here at my school among a good number of students. Daylight Donuts opens at 1:00 in the morning on Thursdays and the weekend. This is the absolute best time to go! The donuts are fresh out of the oven or wherever they're made...still warm, sometimes with dripping glaze, and always completely delicious.

Even though 8 o'clock class comes mighty early, a late night donut sometimes just hits the spot. =]

Silly Kady with her unbaked cookie! (BTW: There is no such thing as a no-bake cookie!)

You know it.

I shouldn't be taking a break from practicing my manuscript and cursive, but that's what I'm doing. I had a thought.

Have you ever been struck with how much you know? Not in a haughty know-it-all way, but just generally. I was just thinking back to being a little kid, where nearly the whole world was a still a mystery. I thought about all the things I know about now- I know what scholarships are, I know how to drive a car, I can name a couple different kinds of apples. I know what a paisley print looks like, what jojoba oil is, that I like to eat espresso beans. There are so many things that bewildered me as a kid that I know now! It's kind of refreshing to think about all the things I do know for a fact, since most everything else in this stage is life is so up in the air. I feel so back and forth some days...but that just means I'm learning.

Learning is a continual back and forth between equilibrium and disequilibrium. 

I heard this quote in one of my classes last year, and it hasn't left my memory. It explains why learning and growing up is so uncomfortable sometimes...it's like you are on a teeter totter, not knowing whether you will be balanced or unbalanced on any given day. 

This is why it's good to think of things you know for certain! 

Being in college is like being in the womb. No really, it is. When you are in school, you are safe and you know what is going on. You know what is expected of you...go to class, learn, do well. I happen to like the comfort in that. Just like time in the womb is a time to grow and prepare yourself for the real world, time in college is a time for preparation and growing. Once that time is up, you are expelled from your nice little cocoon into the big, scary world. A baby cries after it's born...the world is bright and cold and foreign and just downright frightening. I know I will experience the same emotions once I graduate...my safe, familiar world will be gone and I will be forced to experience the newness of the strictly "grown-up" world.

Some days I anticipate this greatly, but some days I am just terrified. There are just so many options, and so many situations that require trust. It's a good thing I know the God of the universe...otherwise it could be too much to handle.

Little University on the Prairie

I live here for roughly 224 days of the year. I am in class for approximately 480 hours...the other hours are spent being a typical college student, e.g., watching Disney movies, complaining about the campus dining services, staying up waaaay too late. Where is this, you may ask? It really could be called the little University on the prairie- UNK.

In case you have never heard of it, UNK stands for the University of Nebraska at Kearney. The city of Kearney itself is pretty cool- Kearney, NE is located exactly 1733 miles from Boston and 1733 miles from San Francisco.

UNK is located on the prairie...although it's not too far west from my home town, I notice many differences. It is incredibly WINDY! And very, very flat. There are also fewer trees.

UNK is the smallest of the Nebraska state universities...obviously most people know about the Huskers, and maybe the Mavericks, but UNK tends to get forgotten. :(

UNK started out as a teacher's college way back when (1905). Today it is still known for being tops in education colleges in Nebraska...a big reason why I chose to come here :)

(This picture below is of the building I spent most of my time in- the College of Ed.)

The stadium and field where I marched many times the past couple years. Go Lopers!

This is my roommate and me with our stuffed animals...we are having way too much fun being together this year!